Rewriting The Mummy (2017)

Learning from their mistakes

Last week, I finally saw the Tom-Cruise remake of the The Mummy (2017), and as I went into knowing it would be bad, instead of agonizing over its failings, I spent the duration of its runtime wishing I could rewrite it.

To do so would be a waste of time, but I have a tendency to write whatever I want, no matter what. So here we are. I’ve done some preliminary outlining and written this opening.

In yesterday’s note, I address the fundamental problem with the movie, but I’ll get more into that after the script.

The Mummy — opening — 2017 rewrite — Thaddeus Thomas

EXT. IRAQ - DESERT - DAY

The sun blazes over rugged terrain. RAHEEM SAFAR (30s), a rugged and handsome Egyptian-American, scans the horizon. Beneath the cloak he wears as protection from the sun, we see flashes of an American military uniform.

Safar spots a series of tire tracks in the hard-packed sand. With a gesture, he signals for his horse, mounts, and rides off in pursuit.

He comes upon an abandoned truck with a busted axle. The back doors have been thrown open. Crates litter the ground, shattered and splintered with gunfire. 

Safar dismounts and sifts through the destruction, revealing ruined artifacts. His shirt is stained red. BLOOD drips from his side.

EXT. VILLAGE - DAY

In a ruined village, bodies lay where they fell, ignored by the PARAMILITARY FORCES who busily sets up both a defensive parameter and excavating equipment around a man-sized OPENING in the shattered tile of what was the village center. The hole reveals a dark chasm beneath.

A PRISONER, his wrists and legs shackled, stares into the void beneath him.

PRISONER
You have your location, VAIL. So what happens to me?

CAPTAIN CHRIS VAIL, ever cruel and cowardly, shoots the prisoner in the back of the head. Blood runs from the body and into the dark pit.

A LARGE SOLDIER watches with concern.

LARGE SOLDIER
What the hell is this place?

Safar’s voice calls out.

SAFAR
The world is full of sacred sites, Vail, both the holy and the cursed. You needn’t have made the journey

VAIL
(Gestures for his men to fan out)
Still alive Raheem? Which is this? Holy or cursed?

Vail moves out of the town square where he’s open and vulnerable.

SAFAR
Like most things, I presume it’s both.

VAIL
(Tracks the village with his gun sight, looking for movement)
Always the philosopher. 

He OPENS FIRE. The other soldiers ANSWER HIS GUNFIRE WITH THEIR OWN.

At last he motions for them to hold. Rubble tumbles from the ruined buildings and into the street.

VAIL (CONT'D)
Tell me you’re dead.

SAFAR
I’m dead–or soon will be.

Safar steps out into town square, hands on his head. Bloodstains now darken half his body.

VAIL
You’ve looked better.

SAFAR
I swore you wouldn’t leave this land with its treasures.

Vail takes aim.

VAIL
Your oaths will mean nothing when you’re dead.

SAFAR
Oh, but they will. I called an airstrike on our position.

Vail turns to look into the sky. The SOUND OF A PLANE AND MISSILE. Soldiers flee. AN EXPLOSION rocks the village. THE TOWN SQUARE COLLAPSES, taking Safar with it..

EXT. COLLAPSING CRATER 

Safar lands in a deep crater, amidst the sand and rubble, his body broken. As he dies, he stares up at a ONCE-BURIED IDOL, eyes of stone seemingly staring back. The sky above the idol ERUPTS WITH THE ROILING FIRE OF A SECOND EXPLOSION.

---

INT. MORGUE - NIGHT

DR. HENRY JEKYLL (40s), enigmatic and composed, examines a body on the slab. MALIK, his chief security officer, watches.

The body–bearded and professorial–is no one familiar to us.

DR. JEKYLL
We need a new archeologist. Find me an expert who’s down on his luck. Someone desperate.

MALIK
And if I can’t find anyone who matches that criteria?

DR. JEKYLL
Find the right man and pull the rug out from under him.

---

INT. SUBWAY CONSTRUCTION ZONE - DAY

The cavernous expanse of a half-built subway tunnel echoes with the sounds of machinery. Powerful LIGHTS illuminate the rugged, unfinished walls. DR. JENNY HALSEY (30s), determined and enthusiastic, leads her CREW through the bustling construction site. She wears a hard hat and carries a set of blueprints.

A BUREAUCRAT, looking awkward and out-of-place, follows at her heels.

BUREAUCRAT
Did you hear a word I said? They’ve cut your funding. This dig is over.

HALSEY
(raising her voice over the noise)
Everyone, gather round!

The CREW, clad in safety gear, pauses their work to listen. They exchange curious and eager glances.

HALSEY (CONT'D)
Today, we both make history and uncover it. 

The crew nods, a few of them sharing EXCITED MURMURS. Halsey places the blueprints on a makeshift table and taps the paper.

HALSEY (CONT'D)
Eight years of study and research have led me to this spot. Today, we find a long-forgotten tomb of the crusaders, or it may never be found at all. 

She points to a section of the wall that bears faint inscriptions, barely visible beneath decades of grime.

HALSEY (CONT'D)
Remember, precision is key. We don’t want to damage anything significant.

BUREAUCRAT
It’s too late for that, Doctor. You’ve significantly damaged your reputation already. The funding is gone. Your work is over. 

HALSEY
The men and the equipment are paid for. The Board can strip away tomorrow, but today belongs to me!

The FOREMAN adjusts his helmet.

FOREMAN
We’re ready when you are, Dr. Halsey.

HALSEY
Forward unto the past, my friends.

The FOREMAN signals. The DRILL rumbles to life, its bit slowly approaching the marked spot on the wall.

Halsey watches intently, her excitement tempered by a scholar’s caution. The drill begins its work, sending VIBRATIONS through the tunnel.

The noise is a mix of GRINDING STONE and the RHYTHMIC PULSE of a modern-day excavation.

HALSEY (CONT'D)
(to herself, hopeful)
The future is forever uncertain. Only history is set.

Modern technology meets ancient stone. Dust billows from its blades. The light shifts, casting moving shadows across enigmatic inscriptions. 

The drill punches through, into a hollow space beyond.

HALSEY (CONT'D)
Hold! Hold!

The drill pulls back. Its spinning blade slows.

INT. CRUSADER TOMB

Halsey, the foreman, and the bureaucrat step through the hole and cast flashlight beams across the pillared hall, revealing it to be a large crypt with stone CASKETS surrounding a central STATUE OF AN ANGEL standing guard, sword drawn.

The angel’s face suggests Raheem Safar.

BUREAUCRAT
Do you have any idea how much paperwork you’ve just generated? You’ve been defunded. That doesn’t just go away with a snap of the fingers.

HALSEY
You can tell the Board, the Crusader’s Tomb beneath London is no longer a myth. This is history, gentlemen! This is truth!

VOICES RAISE in an EXCITED COMMOTION outside the tomb.

The bureaucrat and the foreman look back.

Halsey walks deep into the tomb, exploring her find.

ARMED TROOPS, followed by OFFICIALS, flood in through the opening.

OFFICIAL
Evacuate the area. This is our site now.

---

EXT. LONDON STREET – DAY

Traffic passes before a mid-scale apartment building.

INT. HALLWAY

Carrying her rugged work bags, Halsey arrives at her door, key in hand. An ENVELOPE with her name on it is taped to the door. She stares at the envelope a beat, too tired, too hopeless to react.

She opens the door.

INT. APARTMENT

The living room furniture is gone. A few pieces of scattered debris litter the floor.

Halsey drops her bags where she stands–half in the apartment, half in the hall–pulls down the envelope and steps inside, leaving the door open behind her.

In the center of her living room, she stares at all that’s gone. The envelope drops from her fingers.

For a beat longer, nothing happens, then she works off her bra from inside her blouse. She pulls out a blanket from the closet and switches on a FIRE in the fireplace. From the small kitchen, she retrieves a bottle of WINE, a glass, and corkscrew and then plops down in front of the fire, pours herself a glass, and drinks as she mutters to herself.

HALSEY
My goddam crypt. My goddam crusader. My goddam dagger.

She pours herself another glass.

HALSEY (CONT’D)
My goddam furniture.

The door she never shut now swings open, catching her attention.

Malik stands in the doorway, surveying the scene. Halsey watches him, the glass frozen at her lips.

MALIK
This–this we didn’t do.

He brings her bags inside and closes the door behind him.

Halsey SMASHES the wine bottle against the fireplace and points its jagged end in his direction.

Malik pulls out a knife, picks up the envelope, and uses the blade to open it.

MALIK (CONT’D)
(Reading the letter)
That’s messed up. 

HALSEY
Read it to me.

MALIK
(tucking his knife away)
Don’t you think maybe you should…?

HALSEY
You’ve read it. I can’t bring myself to. What does it say?

MALIK
I’d rather not.

HALSEY
There’s nothing left to steal, and you’re not touching me without losing your face. Read!

MALIK
(reading)
You say you don’t want to be alone, but the truth is, you do. You’re content with your obsessions until you come up for air, and that’s when I’m supposed to be available and waiting with love and nourishment and support to help you replenish your wasted reserves so you can dive back in and give everything to your work. I’m proud of you, Jenny, but I can’t be there for someone who can’t be there for me.

Halsey finishes her second glass.

MALIK (CONT’D)
There’s nothing I can do to help with that. I’m sorry.

HALSEY
Whatever you’re after, you won’t find it here. I’ve got nothing to offer anyone. Not anymore. Just go.

MALIK
We’ve been following your work.

HALSEY
You don’t even know who I am.

MALIK
Dr. Jennifer Halsey, you may call me Malik. Your theories could prove significant, I’m told, not that I’m one to understand these things. Today, I’m an errand boy, and you are my errand.

HALSEY
I’m your what?

MALIK
We can put you back in charge, Dr. Halsey. Get you the recognition you deserve. 

He motions to the door.

MALIK (CONT’D)
But first, my employer requires your services.

---

End of opening

You can see that I’ve kept the characters and the fundamental plot concepts. The primary exception is Nick Morton. The beloved 1999 classic has a problematic relationship with race, and the answer of the remake is to make everyone white. Aside from characters whose ethnicities were used for a joke, there was also Oded Fehr as Ardeth Bay. I want to bring some of that to the character of Nick Morton, who then must be someone else entirely. I’ve chosen the name Raheem Safar, which I believe means merciful journey.

The good man inside the thief didn’t work, and I’m throwing it out entirely. Raheem is a cursed hero, a good man on a downward spiral because of the supernatural elements he’s encountered.

Vail has become more of a secondary villain. Jekyll has been introduced without his name being revealed, and plot points have been covered while feeling integral to the story.

I don’t start with the mummy’s backstory. We know the expect that and can wait for it.

The most important aspect to me was finding a moment to breathe and give a character some depth. I wanted to do that with Jenny before the crypt was found, having Evelyn’s (1999) introduction in mind. The timing didn’t work and Evelyn’s endearing qualities weren’t a good match for Jenny.

I originally had Malik approach Jenny immediately after her expulsion from the dig, but I took a step back and asked “what if” she went home? I didn’t want to introduce a character who would just be tossed aside. What if she discovers her significant other had left her? What if her answer is to make herself a little wine picnic in the living room to console herself and deal with the overwhelming loss? What if Malik shows up, and she has him read the “Dear Joan” letter?

We’ve provided Halsey with a problem that wasn’t caused by the plot, and that suggests a rounder, preexisting character.

It took four steps back in a moment without plot significance to find that place where I resonated with the character. More than anything else, that’s what the 2017 movie needed. We could give the movie time for those moments with a change of structure, but the moments themselves still need to be found.

Before I go, let’s talk Bookmotion.

My reason for this particular endeavor is to learn what it takes to present a viable product to our readers—and I have a great deal to learn. The idea for the Facebook ads requires either scale or upfront investment on large scale. Growth in these early stages is slow, and to gain exposure for my customers who have chosen Bookmotion instead of Bookfunnel, I’ve purchased a publisher account for Bookfunnel so I can market a few authors there. The first promotion will begin in a week.

I’ve also been playing too much with the pricing, misapplying marketing strategies that don’t yet apply to my situation.

If you’re a Bookmotion customer with books up on the site, check your email for a link to your shared file. You can leave files there without having to go through the submission form, and I’ll drop your CSV files there when they’re available.

CSV files contain your new subscribers and can be uploaded on your Subscriber page. Just look for the Add Subscribers button. You’ll be given two options. In the second option click to browse for the file you’ve downloaded.

My primary focus with Bookmotion is on taking care of my customers. My growth will come when you grow and tell others.

Click on the image to download a book or join Bookmotion here.

— Thaddeus Thomas